I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
