i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
