Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
