Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
