Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
