I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
