i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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