she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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