YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
