I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
