Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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