only if we run a train.
done.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The uberlube is also flammable
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
