1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
