Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
