she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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