At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
