What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
