just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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