I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
