so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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