hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
