Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
pray to the hookup gods
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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