Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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