you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
