My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
