I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
