You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
