R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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