Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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