i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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