All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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