The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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