I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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