Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
