GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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