when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
