I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
