C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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