Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
