operation harelip BJ is a go
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
