Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
