I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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