She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
