I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
