Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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