in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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