is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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