so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
