I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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