Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
